One of the most difficult issues to deal with, as a single parent, is an almost overwhelming feeling that you have to fill the roles of both mother and father for your children. This emotion seems to intensify over time and will tend to be more intense if the other parent is not fill an active role with the children.
Parents tend to fight this feeling in two ways. Either they attempt to compensate by trying to be both the mom or dad, or they get on a manic search for a partner to fill in the other role. Experience has shown that neither of these options will work.
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Single parents almost always carry around a feeling of guilt, believing that their children do not receive the love and care they could be getting from another parent. It is a very difficult situation and the answer as to what they should do is not always clear.
For example, say you are a single father with three children. Life gets even more complicated if two out of the three are girls. You will have to choose between trying to be a mom for your daughters or hunt for the partner who would be able to have a better understanding of your daughters.
You might be very likely to go exploring to find that partner, but that could be a mistake. It could be that not a year would pass before you would wish to go back to being a single parent.
Trying to replace the mom or dad is never the answer. The truth is that they cannot be replaced. Of course, this does not mean that you cannot find a person who could become a huge part of both your life and your children’s lives. The point is that this should not be your main reason for the relationship.
A better strategy than trying to replace your wife or your husband for your kids sake is to focus on what you need to and can provide or give to them. Instead of letting the fact that you are a single parent make you feel guilty, be glad that your sons and daughters have you.
As a single parent, you must realize that your children love you. Just feeling guilty or just trying to find another spouse will get you nowhere. It is not necessary for single parents to have a mate to make your kids happy.
If you are a single parent it is quite lilely that you think that you should fill the roles of both mom and dad. This may come with the feeling of guilt for getting your children into such a difficult situation. You will just have to get over this and recover as quickly as you can.
Also, you cannot do everything by yourself and you should never feel that you are second best just because of this. You are only human, not a super hero. Your children will not always give you a helping hand, either. Children are always going to be children. They certainly are not evil, or crazy or anything like that, but they will misbehave at times. Do not let the fact that you cannot always seem to please your children serve as a source of additional guilt.
Regardless of how much, or even how well you try, you will not be able to be both your children’s mom and dad. The best plan is to love them and do your best for them and trust that it will be enough. You don’t have to be Super Mom or Super Dad. Just love them. Be there for them. Let them know how important they are to you.